December 2011
5 posts
4 tags
10 New Year's Resolutions I Will Not Make This...
I will not resolve to lose weight. My self worth is not dictated by how much weight I lose, gain or maintain, and whatever asshole body-policers think it is can fall the fuck back.
I will not resolve to drink more water. The day I replace coffee with water is the day water becomes caffeinated, delicious, heartwarming and life-affirming.
I will not resolve to “eat better.” The way I...
7 tags
A Succinct and Not At All Emotionally Crippling...
Are you interested in dating me (in this parallel universe I’ve just created where tens of people are lined up outside my doorstep with buckets of candy and flowers demanding to make me their girlfriend)? Great! Before we get started, I’d like you to fill out this brief form. It’s just for technical reasons, nothing weird or difficult.
For Statistical Purposes:
Name
Age
...
5 tags
How I Wrap Presents (Happy Holidays)
Begin by scouring my house for all available boxes. The only boxes will either be a)enormous North Face monster-sized coffins that once contained all the winter coats in the world or b)so tiny they are not visible to the naked eye and must have held nothing but a single snowflake
Lock myself in my room with my presents and boxes scattered around the unmade bed, so that I will inevitably forget...
6 tags
Not a Threesome, But Kinda.
If ever there’s a time I am in a relationship, start stocking up on your non-perishables because the apocalypse is surely upon us.
I don’t say that as a weird false modesty thing, or in an effort to get people to respond to me with comments like “BUT YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE STARSHINE AND YOU JUST NEED TO HOLD OUT FOR THE RIGHT QURL” or whatever. Like, I’ve...
5 tags
Potential Reasons I don't have a girlfriend: Part...
I spend a lot of time actively imagining the ways I might propose to Ellen Page, if we were dating, and then I relay those possibilities to friends, family members, and also strangers
I have planned out a lesbian wedding complete with complimentary engaygment rings, even though I am 21 years old and have no prospects.
I actively read a lot of fanfiction about Ron and Hermione
I have a tattoo...