Feminist Underwear

All the Single Lesbians (Or: A Sampling of things I do to make myself feel better about seeing happy [straight] couples everywhere I turn, in vague chronological order)

• Watch the L Word for the sex scenes. Rewind through any/all terrible dialogue. 
• Watch Law and Order SVU for lesbian subtext. Cry because Benson and Cabot’s imaginary relationship is more beautiful than anything I could ever hope to have
• Tegan and Sara on high rotation because every single song really“speaks to where I am right now”
• Read ALL OF THE FANFICTION.
• Bake cupcakes.
• Drink entire bottle of wine and irritate the fuck out of my friends by weeping softly into their shoulders and demanding to know if I am pretty
• Blog very seriously about social justice to try and convince myself how trivial my issues are
• …Until I see a gif of some cute lesbian couple on my dashboard and am forced to bury myself in the mountain of clothes on my bed for comfort and sob quietly.
• Try on outfit: Too butch. Second outfit: Too femme. Third outfit: Not going out anymore, too tired.
• Obsessively text best friends about random cute girl #453453 that I’ve recently become obsessed with, until I actually have an extended conversation with her and realize I’m not all that interested in her at all, I’m just bored and miserable.
• Realize that, recently, the closest thing I’ve had to any kind of successful flirtation is the”hilarious” recurring joke where I pretend to hit on 80 percent of my straight friends. Cry again.
• Pretend I’m over it, start getting really excited about how “empowering” it is to be single for the 45th year in a row and start telling all my non-single friends how great it is not to “worry” about being “tied down”
• …Until my non-single friends discuss upcoming anniversary or random cute anecdote and I am forced to get stoned for the 6th time this week and bang my head on the kitchen table in misery.
• Oh look, time to bake more cupcakes!
• Sad Playlist of Tegan and Sara amended to include movie scores. Not helpful in diminishing river of sorrow tears.
• Do homework out of sheer boredom.
• Insist friends “take care of me” because of the “rough time” I’ve been going through. So grateful for their help I cry again.
• Rinse and repeat.